I am Michelle. I grew up in an almost picture perfect community in the suburbs of Southern California. The pressure to be a perfect family and a perfect daughter were insurmountable to me.
I played that game well until I finally snapped around age 16. I experimented with almost everything I could experiment with. Drugs, alcohol, degrading myself sexually, lying to my family and friends, abusing myself, being sneaky, and putting myself at risk daily. I became good at making the worst decisions possible for myself. I became addicted to self destructing. I became numb to my feelings and emotions because I felt so guilty for what I had put myself through. I was operating like a robotic self destructing machine. I had no one to blame but myself. Blaming myself and feeling guilty ate away at my soul. I hated looking in the mirror because the sweet face looking back at me did not match what I thought of myself inside. I was disgusted with myself.
It wasn’t until age 22, six years ago, that I finally woke up to my destructive behavior, and realized I didn’t want to hurt myself anymore.
I’ve done endless self-help workshops, life coaching, therapy, revisited alcohol and drugs, and even more therapy now. I’m realizing that it’s going to take a long time to undo the trauma and flashbacks that I endure. I am ready to forgive myself. I am ready to get back in touch with my emotions. I recognize I am still healing but one thing is for sure:
I am Michelle Lee Colucci,
I love and accept myself.